Riri · what i think

I’m lost but I’m hopeful

Do you ever feel lost?

Do you ever feel tired?

Do you ever feel abandoned, almost?

Do you ever feel unmotivated?

alone in a crowded room?

dark cloud overhead?

breath 

remember how it feels

to let go and try to walk away

I found last Sunday message from the church was so relatable. Nothing of particular events that reminded me of the story that father Michael have shared, about how he was lost in the carnival that he visited with his family when he was a wee boy. I remember when I was little, I look up to my aunts a lot. Me and my late brother always have been so closed with both of 2 younger sister that my mom has. Almost every day they would pick me up from school, and if no homework or extra lesson, they would bring us to the mall for lunch or shopping. Me being the youngest and the impatient ones always fancy being lost in the middle of clothing racks or discover a new way to go to toilet or sometimes I can find myself being acquittance with the sales lady or discover the new happening place in the mall, when both of my aunts busy trying on clothes and having my brother occupied by bringing their shopping bags. There was more than several occasions they have to get help from the security guard for help to search for me – as I was nowhere to be found. But, most of the time I was the one who found them first rather the security guard found me. After few times they just wait for me to find them, instead of going through all the hassled to try to find me. LOL. Sweet memories!

One of the most helpless feelings I have ever faced was when I lost something important to me, but could not go looking for it. What was it that I lost? It was not like that I got lost while looking for my aunts and brother or driving around to find my destinations or looking frantically for my keys, remote or my phone. No, I lost myself. I lost who I was as a person, my goals, my dreams, my values, my beliefs. There were times when I felt like I was by myself, looking into my brain, and saying, “Who is this person? I don’t recognize her. She has no connection with her past nor plans for the future. What is she thinking next?” There was a time when I first introduced to Facebook and a mandatory column to be filled was “about me”, and the best I could come up with was: Ask me questions, maybe we can figure it out together.

My relationship with my family and friends are the most intimate I have. Somehow, I feel that I have lost myself as a result of getting in the relationship with Jesus. I have always been famous for asking too much of detailed questions, the history and the why. I took a stance with having to have a relationship with someone when I have enough pieces of information and done a background check on this someone. The problem with doing this, however, was that I ended up losing some of my definitions of my identity and persuasions. I have never seen, touch, having two ways conversation with Him, to be honest, that was frustrated me the most. I have so many questions that I want to ask, not through the priest or having to decipher what his disciples wrote about Him.

Last Sunday sermon, I was once again reminded to revisit and re-asses my relationship with Jesus. I see restoration and healing entering my relationships. I no longer feel like I’m lost. I can be curious again and to sustain my relationship with Him. Despite my intimate relationship with family and friends can be distance due to countless different reasons, but my relationship with Him is convenience. No excuses of being too busy, too far, too expensive, everything you need to know is already been written and waiting for me to devour.

Reading and writing not always work for everyone who feels lost, but it has always been something that brought me peace, joy and a sense of direction. One of the purposes having this blog is a way to keep myself checked and able to share my thinking process so I (hopefully) no longer feel lost.

Do you sometimes feel lost? So did I. and still do time to times. I have discovered that the best thing to do is sit down, breath, and wait for the light to arrive and hope to appear.

Didi · what i think

Tujuan

Tujuan.

  1. n arah; haluan (jurusan)
  2. n yang dituju; maksud; tuntutan (yang dituntut)

Tiap orang seharusnya punya tujuan hidup. Apapun tujuan itu, selama kita hidup kita pasti berusaha menggapai tujuan itu. Bedanya, ada yang menuntut dirinya sendiri, ada yang mengikuti kemanapun arus mengalir. Apapun caranya, tujuan tetap harus ditentukan terlebih dahulu. Begitu pula dengan blog ini.

Tujuanku menulis blog ini supaya aku rutin memaksa menuangkan isi otakku ke dalam bentuk tulisan. Menulis secara otomatis membuat aku haus akan bahan bacaan baru. Jadi proses baca-tulis akan terus terbaharui.

Baru-baru ini aku memikirkan tujuan baru, yaitu menulis cerita bersambung. Novel idealnya butuh sekitar 50.000 kata. Targetku 1 tahun selesai menulis, berarti 1000 kata per minggu.

Anggap saja hari ini awal bulan Mei, berarti Mei 2018 aku sudah punya bahan untuk disunting jadi novel.

Tema novelnya apa ya?

 

 

Didi · Puisi

HBD Papa

Happy birthday Papa.

There’s no enough words to express my gratitude towards you. This might be the least I can do to sum it up.

 

Papa,

Who always see the bright side of all things,

but also, taught us to prepare the worst.

Who makes hard things looks easy,

but also, taught us how to work on it.

 

Papa,

The one who have faith in me,

when I lost mine.

The one who taught me many things,

the good, the bad, and the better.

 

Papa,

The family stronghold

The motivator

The leader

The father

 

 

Didi · life

Jagoan Kalah Dulu

Sebelas hari berlalu dari hari Pilkada putaran kedua DKI Jakarta. Melihat berita bagaimana Basuki dan Djarot disirami oleh apresiasi warga mengirimi ribuan bunga papan ke balaikota (menurut berita terkahir sudah berjumlah 2700an bunga papan, yang akhirnya dipajang sampai ke Monas). Bagaimana bisa paslon yang begitu dicintai oleh warganya kalah?

Masa kampanye yang begitu melelahkan, bahkan untuk orang yang tidak terjun langsung. Serangan-serangan isu SARA yang begitu kotor ternyata masih berhasil menggalang massa yang lebih dari cukup untuk menghentikan langkah paslon nomor 2 di DKI. Namun melihat sikap Basuki Djarot yang lebih dari pemenang dengan mengakui kekalahan dan siap untuk membantu paslon pemenang dalam masa transisi membuat ketegangan Pilkada sedikit mencair. Akhirnya warga Jakarta bisa merasakan apa yang dirasakan oleh rakyat Amerika Serikat saat Trump menang.

Jagoan kalah dulu.

Yang waras yang ngalah.

Mundur selangkah untuk maju dua langkah.

Kekalahan ini hanya salah satu mata rantai dari perjalanan Basuki Djarot. Terima kasih untuk dedikasi Anda terhadap warga Jakarta Pak. You’ll be missed*. Selamat melanjutkan sepak terjang Bapak untuk Indonesia yang lebih baik.

*You’ll be missed by sane voters.

Riri · Travel

My Airbnb Experiences

It was on 2009, when I first heard about Airbnb. The new startup invented by 2 guys who practically wanted to make a few bucks. San Francisco is one of the highest most expensive city to live in. The 2 guys came up with the idea of putting an air mattress in their living room and put that in the listing for people to crash in. When the original site, airbedandbreakfast dot com was launched on 2008, they immediately got a hit for people who looking for the more affordable place to stay in the city. After the invitation to attend training and got the fundings from startup incubator to promote the site, after only 1 year of working hard they returned to SF with a profitable business model to grow even bigger. It starts from one idea to maximize their living room to make a few bucks. The company then changed to airbnb.com, from the air beds to various different kinds of property including private rooms, castles, tree houses, manors, boats, etc. We have experienced both sides of the spectrum, as a host and as a guest through Airbnb.

When we were living in San Francisco, we started as a host for out-town travelers. We were living in outer sunset area, next to the Ocean Beach in the 3 bedroom flats. We have rented 1 bedroom to a permanent tenant and thinking to keep the other bedroom as our guest room for our friends and family when they visit us in SF. Since we don’t always have our guests, I was thinking to rent it to a short term guest. Airbnb was perfect platform for that.

As a host, we were experiencing a lot of various personality and characters of guests coming into our apartment. Though the rules and the fee are clear, there were some guests that abused the property and rules. I would say 80% was nice, 20% was not so good experience. The good thing about airbnb, you can review 2 ways, as a tenant and as a host. A good constructive criticism plays a big role for us to accept a guest. Some guests who don’t have a review may raise a flag for us to accept them unless they put down a deposit (you may request it, as a host). When I was telling my family that I let strangers crash in, they were all shocked. But it brought us an experience that we will never forget. Some story includes police, mobster, cracked head, nudists and a missing person. Some teach us a life lesson experiences to be handling that sort from happening again.

My first airbnb experience as a guest was when we back to SF, after living in Indonesia. We rented a master bedroom in tradition victorian house, I remember I was excited to be able to experience to sleep in victorian style (think of Full house). Since then every time we plan a trip, we would consider having airbnb as an option to staying in the hotel. One of many plus sides of Airbnb rentals is they have kitchens so you can prepare your own meals, which can save you money. And speaking of saving money, Airbnb are typically cheaper than staying at the hotel.

When choosing airbnb, I wanted to be within walking distance to most of the attractions, restaurant, groceries and train stations. I usually travel with public transportations and do prefer to not rent a car, unless for necessity. I always prefer to book an entire home or bedroom with ensuite bathroom. I want to be able to relax and sleep well after my outings, therefore I always required a fast Wifi and comfortable bed. I would email the host and ask the firmness of the bed. Typically, the host more than happy to answer them for you. The ratings and positive reviews also need to be considered. Some listings may be new, in that case, I would recommend you to contact the host and ask all the necessary questions. After booking then naturally within a day, I would receive the instructions on how to check-in and check-out, as well as the address. I don’t find it necessary to meet the owner, but everyone has different preferences. If you never received the response email after your booking, I suggest you contact them again to make sure that they acknowledged your booking. 

My experiences as a host was a little tricky, hence being new and perfectionist. However, as a guest, airbnb has offered us an amazing experience and it has really changed the way we travel. I feel that by renting an apartment or a home, I can have the flexibility to choose based on our own criteria and individual needs. I have heard that some of the user being canceled last minute, didn’t meet their expectations, being unlucky meeting a horrible owners or house-mate. One thing that I cannot stress most is, do not expect cheap price comes with the big expectations. Be reasonable when deciding the place according to the locations and the amenities. And ask a lot of questions to the owner about your preferences before you book the place. I would not be hesitant to ask the owner to vacuum the place (if carpeted) due to my allergen or even ask them if they are ok if your arrival time is late at night or really early in the morning.

So far we have used airbnb platform on our traveling to Bali, San Francisco, New York, Japan, Korea, London, Italy, Netherlands, Switzerland, Hong Kong, Spain, Canada. We managed to have minimal complaints with the rentals unless they are unbearable and totally unreasonable beyond words. If you happened to come across that, I would suggest you contact your host right away, since they practically ‘responsible’ for you, since you stay at their premises. Airbnb also has a great customer service that you can contact, but they would always suggest you to try to sit down with the host to resolved any altercations before they step in.

Keen to try airbnb?

Comment down below and we will give you 25SGD for your first booking.

life · Riri · what i think

Fixer upper

So I have had plans to be on my best self this month. I have had this beautifully planned out calendar with every intention to be happy and be the self-content every single day, no matter what. The intentions were to be that person that capable to spread positive energy towards others, by being the better version of myself. Sometimes I got thrown off by my intentions, sometimes situations were not being conducive, sometimes what you have planned initially won’t go as smooth as you planned, life happens. Things happen.

My priorities of being that person, no longer my priorities because some required making me the bad guys and step in as big bad wolf. Things can feel heavy and debilitating. Things can make me feel to just want to run from them. This is me this year, months and weeks ago. I was frustrated and ready to just fold inward under the weight of the mix between business and life. All because some positive and exciting intentions and plans didn’t go as I had hoped. I like to believe that even Mother Theresa or Beyonce might have days that get the better of them. I am not that strong or at least not yet.

I told my husband the other day during our flight on the way back to Singapore, that I thought being in my 30s, I’ve should be able to figure out that I can do, whatever I want. He replied, you cannot do it all. I would love to be able to make decisions about the rewards in our work at the end of the day. Let it be financial secured, feeling content or just enjoying the nice warm bath by the end of the day. I told my husband that I promised myself to end this year feeling satisfied and fulfilled in this beautiful life we are in, no matter what.

If anything in the beginning of this past years has taught me that sometimes our best-laid plans are ruined and shaken not because something that we have planned went wrong, but because we weren’t ready for it. We needed to be slapped with the harsh reality in order for us to do that little more work on ourselves so we could be better in our heart and soul for the preparation to accept beautiful things to come.

Now I find myself embarrassed to say how I used to feel that I have figured everything out and when things go against what I have planned, I really didn’t. The freedom, the dream, the rainbow after storm, the good things always happen to good people, the happy are those who believe without seeing; may not always come to me instantly. I understand that I have to be mindful of my fear as well. The work, planning, the chasing, the intentions are truly never finish.

It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you  might as well not have lived at all – in which case you fail by default – JK Rowling

Riri · what i think

Dream Dreams, See Visions

If you could do anything,

What would it be?

What’s stopping you?

~ Be Vegan

  • Scared of failure – temptations
  • Too hard – me still love animal products and real noodles (the carbs type)
  • Limited options in Singapore (groceries and restaurants)
  • Time-consuming to cook at home

~ Nomadic Lifestyle

  • How to stabilizing business to generate money
  • Too expensive and too much work on planning the logistic
  • Husband

~ Becoming Yoga Teacher

  • Performance anxiety
  • Too perfectionist (expecting others to be the same)
  • Time scheduling and money
  • Still working on my self-commitment
  • Difficult to juggle priorities

~ Personal Coach

  • Scared of failure for other people
  • Therapist block
  • People wouldn’t understand my way of speaking
  • People would criticize me

This is my few of goals and my road blocks. I’ve been trying to crush them and working on them but there are always been something that blocking them, either I’m lacking on commitment or maybe it is not just the right timing. I went through a lot of physical and emotional battles to achieve those goals. But I know even there are a lot of unpredictable situations, I know I can make this happen. Fear often holds me back but by writing it down, it is also a great to see what I should be tackle next.

We make a living by what we get,

We make a life by what we give.

– Winston Churchill