life · Riri · what i think

Self-awareness

Acceptance is a practice. It is hard and troublesome. It is something that I need to do for myself, my family, my partner, my friends, my job, my attitude toward life, etc. It takes a lot of understanding, probably time-consuming to follow the situations and moving on from there. It is not something you do once, say when you decide to accept. It is an ongoing process and commitment. Daily practice is needed when you set your intention and lean into it 100%. Once I have made a decision to accept something, someone, a certain situation, any chapters of your story, I consciously know I am responsible for being committed and consciously practicing every single time. It will be hard and there will be resistance, which is why I maybe haven’t been able to accept in some cases. This process of inability to accept will always keep me stuck and anxious or even panic, pushing me down into a low mood. Most of the time when I choose not to accept because I afraid to loose the control. Clearly, I know that the truth is by not accepting it what makes me loose control. So I try to practice acceptance, maybe someday I will learn that it really means letting go of trying to control.

As for the things that I can control are the following:

  1. My beliefs
  2. My attitude
  3. My thoughts
  4. My perspective
  5. How honest I am
  6. Who I choose to be friends with
  7. The books or blogs I choose to read, the music, youtube or podcast I choose to listen
  8. How often I exercises
  9. The type of food I eat
  10. How much risks I’ll be willing to take
  11. How I interpret situations
  12. How kind I am to others and how I decide to treat them
  13. How kind I am to myself
  14. How often I say “Thank you”, “I love you”, “Please, help me”, “How are you”, etc
  15. How I express my feelings, thoughts, care
  16. How often I practice gratitude and/or appreciating the things I have
  17. How many times I smiles today
  18. The amount of effort I put forth
  19. How I spend or invest my money
  20. How much time I spend worrying
  21. How often I think about my past
  22. Whether or not I judge other people
  23. Whether or not I bounce back after a setback

to be continued.. to jot down things that I can control. As it, for now, I am ok knowing that I can have 23 things that I can control.

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life · Riri

the low day

“I believe that if something is troubling you, simply start from where you are and take the action necessary to change it” – Susan Jeffers

I am currently reading ‘Feel the Fear…” by Susan Jeffers and this statement really reminding me to do something when things don’t go as planned. As much as a type-A personality that I am, Singapore has changed me to be more flexible and accepting the fact that I am here because I chose to be here, not because I was pressured by some substances.

Although I have had varying levels of success in ‘not dwelling on the past’, through my journey, I have always believed that if something needs to be fixed, I might as well get on and fix it, and worry about they whys and wherefores later. I fully understand that what I need to be doing. In the real life, I struggled most of the time figure things from the past to the point I have no more probable caused to analyze the situation.

This has been a very hard process for me. I always have to know the 5W1H (Why, Who, What, When, Where + How) in anything that I encountered. Most of my clients and close friends know that every time they’re telling me a new story, they have to first let me know the 5W1H. Such a dictators listener, huh?

One day, when I had one of my low days and when everything seems to be wrong; I chose to write down all the blessings in my life. Trying to meditate and put aside all the stressful thoughts and focus on what is beautiful now. My health, my home, and my loved ones. I’ll write most of them down in my bullet journal even to the littlest things such as, a soft comfy bedding that I’ve been blessed to have, that kiss from a loved one, a family (even we are not as  close as I wish we were), being safe and having the freedom to organize my day as I please and all other aspects of life that nourish my soul.

I know I have to keep reminding myself to no longer take things for granted. To meditate and mindfully acknowledging that thoughts about the past are just thoughts like any others. Where we go from here, the present moment is the most important thing. I have had these moments which add up to a life well-lived. I have to train myself over and over again to worry less and less about the future as I appreciate life to its fullest. I am truly blessed!

Didi · life

Jagoan Kalah Dulu

Sebelas hari berlalu dari hari Pilkada putaran kedua DKI Jakarta. Melihat berita bagaimana Basuki dan Djarot disirami oleh apresiasi warga mengirimi ribuan bunga papan ke balaikota (menurut berita terkahir sudah berjumlah 2700an bunga papan, yang akhirnya dipajang sampai ke Monas). Bagaimana bisa paslon yang begitu dicintai oleh warganya kalah?

Masa kampanye yang begitu melelahkan, bahkan untuk orang yang tidak terjun langsung. Serangan-serangan isu SARA yang begitu kotor ternyata masih berhasil menggalang massa yang lebih dari cukup untuk menghentikan langkah paslon nomor 2 di DKI. Namun melihat sikap Basuki Djarot yang lebih dari pemenang dengan mengakui kekalahan dan siap untuk membantu paslon pemenang dalam masa transisi membuat ketegangan Pilkada sedikit mencair. Akhirnya warga Jakarta bisa merasakan apa yang dirasakan oleh rakyat Amerika Serikat saat Trump menang.

Jagoan kalah dulu.

Yang waras yang ngalah.

Mundur selangkah untuk maju dua langkah.

Kekalahan ini hanya salah satu mata rantai dari perjalanan Basuki Djarot. Terima kasih untuk dedikasi Anda terhadap warga Jakarta Pak. You’ll be missed*. Selamat melanjutkan sepak terjang Bapak untuk Indonesia yang lebih baik.

*You’ll be missed by sane voters.

life · Riri · what i think

Fixer upper

So I have had plans to be on my best self this month. I have had this beautifully planned out calendar with every intention to be happy and be the self-content every single day, no matter what. The intentions were to be that person that capable to spread positive energy towards others, by being the better version of myself. Sometimes I got thrown off by my intentions, sometimes situations were not being conducive, sometimes what you have planned initially won’t go as smooth as you planned, life happens. Things happen.

My priorities of being that person, no longer my priorities because some required making me the bad guys and step in as big bad wolf. Things can feel heavy and debilitating. Things can make me feel to just want to run from them. This is me this year, months and weeks ago. I was frustrated and ready to just fold inward under the weight of the mix between business and life. All because some positive and exciting intentions and plans didn’t go as I had hoped. I like to believe that even Mother Theresa or Beyonce might have days that get the better of them. I am not that strong or at least not yet.

I told my husband the other day during our flight on the way back to Singapore, that I thought being in my 30s, I’ve should be able to figure out that I can do, whatever I want. He replied, you cannot do it all. I would love to be able to make decisions about the rewards in our work at the end of the day. Let it be financial secured, feeling content or just enjoying the nice warm bath by the end of the day. I told my husband that I promised myself to end this year feeling satisfied and fulfilled in this beautiful life we are in, no matter what.

If anything in the beginning of this past years has taught me that sometimes our best-laid plans are ruined and shaken not because something that we have planned went wrong, but because we weren’t ready for it. We needed to be slapped with the harsh reality in order for us to do that little more work on ourselves so we could be better in our heart and soul for the preparation to accept beautiful things to come.

Now I find myself embarrassed to say how I used to feel that I have figured everything out and when things go against what I have planned, I really didn’t. The freedom, the dream, the rainbow after storm, the good things always happen to good people, the happy are those who believe without seeing; may not always come to me instantly. I understand that I have to be mindful of my fear as well. The work, planning, the chasing, the intentions are truly never finish.

It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you  might as well not have lived at all – in which case you fail by default – JK Rowling