Riri · what i think

Self – Respect

Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy

I found respecting oneself is an obstacle, self-respect is the first step to start loving yourself. Cultivating care by observing how you have been treating yourself.

If the meaning of respect (n) is ‘ a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievement.”, then I only have one that I have deep admiration to. The value of Him and what I feel about Him is too hard to conceive and into make me feel that way about myself. His unconditional love is too hard to obtain! If I have to choose a person, also too hard. My role model changes over time, as I keep discovering that no one is perfect. But I do respect people due to their abilities to motivate people to be better. I respect people who put efforts, energy, money and knowledge for making the world a better place for the next generations to come. I guess in that sense, I can narrate to the word respect now.

Respecting myself to start has been a hurdle. The obstacles that I have to overcome to stand grounded at my principles, loving and respecting myself, and even when the surrounding may bring a lot of temptations to side track my life. For example, some of my temptations are maybe having someone defined what you need to have in order to be happy, or when people around me doubt my abilities, or when I care about a person who could care less of giving me their love, or when I think about lives others have is better. Those are some of the examples that I was going through during different path of my life so far.

By now, I start to understand that I need to acknowledge my need first to be respected as a decent human being. I deserved and can choose to be happy regardless in any kind of situations. I understand that I cannot always control the situations nor the people on how they treat me, but I can control myself and how I wish to proceed from the situations.

By finding out who I am, I learn to know what I want and who I really am. By exploring and getting in touch with myself and understand what matter to me, I have finally understood the need to respect and loving myself are the foundation of self-respect.

I have learned throughout the years that it is essential to keep company with those who respect me and respect themselves. Having someone negative only makes me drained and it does spark the negativity in me without I even realizing it. I have very little friends and very picky with friends, and family is no different. I classified them by my needs, though it does sound like I’m not being a good friend. Do understand that I been hurt and left by people who are not genuine. enough is enough.

When I was starting my career path, I rarely have time for myself, friends, family. One of the best ways that I have in motivating myself is to never settle for less. I know what I deserve and I deserves the very best in life: The best people, career and the best feelings to be in any situations. Due to that, I feel that I have built up my confidence, I learn to accept compliments, having myself to build myself up, by doing things that I feel I am good at. As a human, we are designed to be productive and be useful for other people. Many years ago my mentee asked me, without sounding offensive, how can I look confidence at all the time? I told her that I am not always confidence. But I value my life and experiences enough to show to others that I can be valuable to them. Many people avoid confidence as they confused with being self-centered. It is very different and I feel everybody need to understand themselves enough to not go overboard and becomes egotistical self. Especially if you start to think that you have all the power in your hand. Being heroic is different than being kind, honest, fearless, bold and brave. 

I am currently on the stage where I need to keep pushing myself to forgive my past and mistake I have made. I need to keep reminding myself to keep moving positively forward. I can not go back but I can be someone better. Also, I need to learn to forgive other people. I have been hurt badly and forgiveness can be really difficult. I need to let go of the pain others have caused and I need to challenge myself to cultivate love and respect towards them to love myself.

Honesty for me is the ultimate sign of respect. When I am being honest with myself, knowing what I want and need, what makes me happy or not, what supposedly be good for me and what’s not. oh boy, it has been tough! I have been trying to meditate and reflects to understand more on how I feel and think. But then I realize, the more honest I am with myself, it does make me easier to be more honest with others. I have learned the hard way that I cannot count on others to respect my decisions, my way of life and/or my feelings, even I always be mindful to respect theirs. Being a good person does not guarantee that others will be good people. I only have the control over myself and how I choose to be as a person. As for others, I can only choose to accept them or walk away. I have learned the hard way to just realized that people are not always good to others. I am lucky enough to have a Mom that always reminds me to forgive and stick to my morals, and with hope, the right people will come my way.

I am starting to take care of my body in my later age. I could care less about what is the product of being beautiful. In this lifetime people still perceived beautiful by having skinny body, sparkling skin and having a good sense of fashion. Once I understood that I feel good physically by having healthy food, exercise, getting enough sleep and low stress, the more kindness and the more internal love I feel. My yoga teacher once said that your body is a vessel transporting you around this world. How would you like to achieve to have certain body types, is depending on your goal. If you want to be strong and have healthy organs then you exercise, if you only care about body image and being skinny then don’t eat. Just as I need to take a good care of my body, I also know that my mind needs a little love as well. The way I do it is by keep getting new experiences and gathering information. Keep looking to find new perspectives, find resources for inspiration (traveling is the best way for me to learn new cultures, meeting new people, learning a different way of living). The more I know, the more I am allowing myself to spare some space to grow. All the rejection, all the struggles, and obstacles will empower me. By allowing that to happen, I earned respect for myself.

Last but not least, Don’t compare to others! “Comparison is the thief of joy”, said Theodore Roosevelt, and I couldn’t agree more. The more I compare my life with others, the more difficult it becomes to cultivate self-respect. It is hard not to compare (especially with social media), but I keep reminding myself that no matter how well you know someone, you never ever know every aspect of their life. No life is perfect, the essential way to respect myself is to focus on what I have, not on what I have to own in order to gain more friends or followers.

Start by being aware of finding yourself, do your best to find a way to make it a positive, self-respecting experience, and then use what you’re going through (good or bad) to cultivate care for yourself and others. 

You can only appreciate the highest of highs if you experience the lowest of lows 

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