I find the good of one person is very subjective. I like to think that my good side is being the strong, resilience and able to survived despite in shittiest situation. I learned to cope since a young age. My parents taught me to be an independent human being early on, even I was a little girl back then. I still questioned the method of parenting that they are using, but I don’t want to go there now. I do feel grateful regardless. I am very determined to the point it can be borderline obsession. For some people, it is me being too stubborn, too many expectations, too much asking, too selfish. I grew up with such a survival mode, and I can’t find myself relying on other people. With that being said, that bring me to the bad.
I don’t trust people therefore I can’t work in team-work. I find it to be redundant. I always have to correct the proposal and it wasting my time and energy. If I really have to do it, I can try my best but I find myself tends to not bring my A game, especially, if I’m not in leadership position. I’ve been told early on by the mandatory career test that being independent contractor/consultant is the best employment status for me. I couldn’t agree more! I am thankful that with the job I have now, it allows me to schedule time according to my liking.
Another bad, I can be too straight forward for some people cup of tea. I feel honesty is the best policy. I was raised by a women who will tell you whether your school-work is good or bad – nothing in between. Either you got an A or you Failed. Learning about art changed me, I can see things from other people perspective now. It teaches me to be flexible and fluid with other people ways of doing. Though it still drained me when I have to do small talk with strangers. When I try to talk nicely, people criticize me for being sarcastic. I have to take an acting class during my grads school, to learn how to talk to clients without having too much facial expression. My communication skills is very good when I have invested my time and energy to getting know you. I can talk to full room of people, but find it harder time to talk in a small group.
Too many to list, but this one is my ultimate ugly. I hold grudges against people who crossed my line. With my straight forward personality, it is not hard to see if I fond with the way you treating me or not. If you keep going, then I would not tolerate you being human anymore. Some people said ‘I can forgive but hard to forget’, I say bull-crap! That was such an excuse for not holding grudges. Just like a normal human being, I have a feeling and depending on who you gossip with, everybody will say different opinion about me. When people only say a mean thing about me, that’s because they have seen my wrath : )